Mom

Where does the time go?  A couple of weeks after my last post my parents arrived for a weeks visit.  The day they arrived was a dismal winter weather type of day.  Mom now understands why I suffer from "SAD" (seasonal affective disorder, caused by lack of sun light), luckily the weather for the rest of there stay was perfect early summer weather.  After all the work on the full remodel of the guest bath and a "lipstick" make over of the kitchen it seemed the kitchen was the big hit.  Dad had never seen the Pacific Ocean so we made a couple of day trips to the coast.  Spent one day at the Woodburn Outlet Mall shopping for what ever we came across.  They both met TBC, after a day of antiquing in Aurora she said that she really liked him.  Mom and I were talking over lunch here in the kitchen one day about family history.  I had always known that I was related to Percy Blyche Shelley, but what I didn't know is that I am his great-great-great-great-great-grandson on the Brown side of the family, I also didn't know that I am also the great-great-great-great-grandson of Alexander Hamilton on the Miller side and the great-great-great-grandson of William Jennings Bryan on the Proffett side.  The week seemed to just fly buy and the next thing I knew I was taking them to the airport for their return home.

Shortly after returning home Mom found a 50 cent piece sized lump in her breast.  Yes, the big C.  Not only did it turn her world upside down but mine as well.  At that point thoughts of new post were replaced with thoughts of Mom.  Our phone calls to each other went from every few weeks to almost every day and sometimes more than once a day.  I was able to get time off of work at the last moment to go to NE for Christmas.  Buy that time Moms gray hair had turned to white and was falling out in handfuls do to the chemo.  I had arrived early in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, that evening was her first visit with Hospice.  That was when I found out that she was now terminal.  The chemo hadn't worked and the cancer was now not just one but both breast, one lung, pelvis, bone marrow and spinal column.  I spent every moment I could with her.  On Christmas Day most of the grand kids came over and they had a "hair cutting party" for Mom since she was getting tired of her hair ending up all over anything she got close to, the party was fallowed by a fashion show of all the neat hats and scarfs the she had been give.  The weather that day was unusually warm, we all spent a lot of time sitting in the sunshine on the front porch in our shirt sleeves.  A couple of days later while walking her down to the her friends at the far end of the block I was informed that I walk way to slow.  When it came time for me to leave I couldn't look back at the door and see her standing there, if I had I wouldn't have been able to leave.

I made another 5 day trip back in early March.  Now she was always on morphine to control the pain in her spinal column and was having problems collecting and expressing thoughts.  The only time during that trip that I left her side was bathroom breaks (hers and mine) and sleeping at night.  Dad had begun sleeping on the floor next to her hospital bed in the living room so he would be right there when she would wake up with a nightmare that had become a nightly occurrence.  Even though I was there living it all I still recall that time like I was a fly on the wall watching life passing buy unslowed by anything said or done by anyone.

On Easter Sunday I was getting ready to call and with her Happy 72nd Birthday when I got a call from my sister-in-law saying that she had taken a sudden turn for the worst and that it was time to return.  The next morning I notified my work that I would be heading to NE and would be gone for at least a week maybe more, they were so supportive.  While TBC worked that Monday I made all the necessary arraignments, getting the rental car and finding someone to check in on the cat while I was gone as TBC was driving back with me.

We left his house dark and early on Tuesday morning only stopping for gas, food and bathroom breaks.  Made the trip in 24.5 hours.  When I went to Moms bedside she opened her eyes and looked at me, I'm still not sure she knew I was there.  The Hospice nurse came every day as well as the nurse that came in daily to give Mom a bath as she was now bedridden.  Since the day after her fist visit from the nurse she was on oxygen from a machine that sat in the corner hidden by her bed, but the drone of it was always present even in the middle of the night I could hear it from the bedroom from the far end of the hall. 

After everyone else had gone to bed for the night I would sit at her bedside holding her hand and would talk to her about what ever came to mind, usually some silly thing that someone in the family had done at some point.  All the while the constant drone of her oxygen machine in the back ground,  some how at the time it seemed to be an encouraging sound, as if it was still there so was she.

Mom lingered on into the following week.  On Monday her second great grand child was born.  Mom was shown her pic that evening  on a cell phone.  I know she knew who it was, with in a few minutes she seem to be resting easier and the jerking caused my the morphine had lessened.  That night with Dad sleeping on the floor on one side of her bed, Auntie B curled up lightly snoring on the love seat I sat with her one more time. 

I finally went to bed around midnight, after tossing and turning for the next 2 hours I got up and checked on her.  Still resting easier.  I went out side to have a cigarette, when I came back in I stopped in the door to the living room and just stood there leaning against the doorjamb watching and listening for the next several hours.  The only movement in the room was Moms occasional jerking from the morphine and the drone of the oxygen machine the only sound.

April 17th was another day just like the one before.  More of the grand kids stopping in and checking on her.  Late that evening with most of her family by her bedside Mom quietly left this world.  Mixed with all the pain and sorrow there was a certain sense of calm and wonder.  I know it sounds weird in a really creepy way, but being there with her at the end was one of the most beautiful  experiences of my life.

The viewing was that Friday evening, seeing her that in her coffin she look so peaceful and I was surprised at just how much she looked like her mother. The funeral was the next morning.  When the family walked into the chapel to begin the service I was a bit disappointed in the small number of people there.  The service simple, several songs by a family friend and my niece and her school choir sang a beautiful song.  When we got up to leave at the end of the service I was surprised at the number of people that had come in, numerous people standing at back of the church.  That day I met family that I had never met for one reason or another and family and friends that I hadn't seen in 30 years or more.

Even now more that 9 months later I still think about her everyday.  Back here at home when it quiet I can still here the drone of her oxygen machine in the back ground, I keep something on for noise, the TV, radio even a fan all night in the bedroom.

Thru all this and still today TBC, weather he knows it or not, has been the only solid ground in a world often turning to quick sand.